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Having Kids Messes You Up!

Having Kids Messes You Up!

I can vaguely recall a time when I could sneeze without wetting myself. That was before I had children. All you hear about is how wonderful having children is. Oh sure, that is true, but somehow people forget to tell you about the after effects, such as incontinence, saggy breasts, hemorrhoids, stretch marks, fatness, larger feet, weird varicose vein type thins, transformed privates, and a floppy abdomin. Hey, lets not forget about the possibility of a prolapsed uterus down the road. Now there's a fun adventure! Hey Mom, Grandma, old aunt lady, thanks for the heads up!

After childbirth your body is never the same unless maybe, you are a supermodel. However, I decided long ago that supermodels are aliens from another planet. No human looks that good, or at least that's what I tell myself. Yes, things definitely change after birth and then you turn 40 and stray hairs pop out of your chin. Thank you! This chin hair goes well with my stretch marks and gigantic feet!

I know this sounds horrible, and why on earth would anyone want to have children? I have no idea why!! In addition to all this aftermath, it hurts really bad. I'm talking super duper bad for hours and hours and hours. And no, you don't forget the pain. I remember it very well! The pictures my husband took of me in agony and having a contraction while sitting on the toilet, keeps the memory alive at a glance. So very thoughtful of him.

Oh fine, I'm being a bit pessimistic. Sure there is all that I mentioned, but you don't even notice the stretch marks because all you see is your beautiful child (you'll always notice the incontinence though, that's super annoying). What we get in exchange is a heart filled with love. There is no love greater than the love for a child. It is a beautiful gift to be able to experience it. So is it all worth it? Heck yeah! Somebody is going to have to change my adult diapers when I'm 90. I nominate my kids! 

In Jest,

Lisa Karen

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